It’s taken me 37 years to finally get here. After years of feeling lost, frustrated with what I have and scared to explore anything deeper, I’ve now resigned myself to this connection that we have because I can no longer deny the pull I have towards you, magnetic almost, inexplicable, unnatural even.
I was a lone ranger before I met you, convinced that I wasn’t going to find anything to satisfy me. But soon enough everyone told me to take the plunge. “Don’t over think it, Karan,” they chided me, as if they had all attained nirvana. All of a sudden I felt peer pressured, and it made me even wearier at the thought of you.
I remember the first time we met. I was nervous, obviously, unsure of what to expect and how to feel. We got to know each other quickly, but it never felt rushed. Sitting up late into the night, I marveled at your body and the simplicity with which we communicated. When I touched you, you connected me and over time, you made it easier for me to interact with my friends. We made a great team, you and I, and everyone told me so. With you around, there was so much incoming in my life and somehow, you made everything better. You’ve been the first thing I want to look at every morning, and you’ve always shown up when I’ve needed you.
Do you remember the day I thought I lost you? You really don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone and the memory of that day still raises my heartbeat. I’ve taken you for granted so many times, tossed you to the side when something more important has come along but I’ve always valued what you’ve brought to my life, and for that, you will always be more special than the rest. I’ve tried to change you even. Change the way you look, the way you sound. I’ve wanted you to be a cut above the rest, even if it cost me a packet.
I think we’re on the verge of a break. This is the really hard part.
I feel like you’re consuming me. Waking up to you has become a chore, an obligation that stifles me. I feel we’ve stagnated, and have fallen into a rut. I sometimes wonder how we got here. I used to be able to spend hours discovering every facet of you, exploring the intricacies of your character, studying you, taking you in. Now there’s no surprise, nothing new to keep me excited. Sometimes I feel I push you too hard, and I’m scared that you may one day shut down on me. I don’t want to live in that fear anymore. I don’t want to go through the anxiety I feel when you tell me you’re drained from all my chatter. I think it’s time to move on, because now the more I look at you, the more faults in you I find.
So, my darling blackberry, I think our journey ends here. I need something new in my life, and trust me when I say, it’s not you, and really, it’s not me, it’s just the ever-changing face of technology. Nothing lasts forever in my business, and it seems the same applies for yours. Think of me fondly, and I’ll always remember your murmuring warmth, nestled against my ear, feeding me news of the world, no matter what the hour. I have to set you down now and step away, because true to your name, your hold on me is just too bold.